based on the last feedback, I continue to develop my interactive video, and I collected some real example in the real life, because real people and real example are more convincing.
here is three example:
example 1:
name: yuhui huang age: 28 fashion designer she was forced by her parents to go on a blind date about five times, but she has not met a suitable person so far, and her parents said that she must marry this year, because they think 28 years old is old for women and the fortune teller said this year is her wedding year, and she is very troubled and does not know how to communicate with her parents. she think that It is impossible to meet the right person in this year, so she decided to move out instead living with her parents.
example 2:
name: waner chen age: 26 insurance She has a boyfriend, but her parents are dissatisfied with her boyfriend, because the fortune teller said that her boyfriend has many female friends, and he is likely to cheat after getting married, so her parents want her daughter to break up with her boyfriend . She is very entangled now. On the one hand, she likes her boyfriend, on the other hand, she doesn’t want to go against her parents’ meaning, and she is also a little superstitious in fortune telling.
example 3:
name: dasen age: 29 medicine He has a girlfriend, but his parents are not satisfied with his girlfriend because the fortune teller said that his girlfriend will bring bad luck to his family, but he insists on marrying his girlfriend. As a result, less than a month after the marriage, his father was diagnosed with leukemia and passed away two weeks later (his father was healthy and showed no signs of illness), and his father’s company also closed down.
and I also did some research on psychology, and I found that one therapy is drama therapy. Drama therapy takes a unique approach by using drama or theater techniques, including improvisation, role-playing and so on… Drama therapy combines drama and psychotherapy methods to offer new ways to express what you are thinking or feeling in order to cope more effectively with behavioral and emotional problems
It is intended to help participants explore their inner experience and break them out of any rigid roles or frameworks they have been limiting themselves to. They can express themselves while sharing a new side to their personality
drama therapy can also benefit participants by providing them with the opportunity to:
Express their feelings Tell their story Act out/work out issues and problems Achieve emotional and physical integration Experience catharsis Develop trust Work out relationship issues Strengthen or expand their personal life roles
Role-Playing
Role-playing allows the participant to alter their mindset, act out in new ways, and connect their own experiences to those of another person.
Here’s an example: if you’re having significant conflict with your parents, you may be asked to role-play a scene in which you pretend to be your parents and speak from their perspective.
I think it can help people explore their inner experience and break them out of any rigid roles or frameworks they have been limiting themselves to.
I think drama therapy can help young generation to communicate with their parents better, and learn to look at problems from the other side’s perspective.
NEXT STEP:
I will show these real example to people and get some feedback from them, What they think of these example?
I will combine these example with drama therapy. How to apply these real example to drama therapy? What techniques in drama therapy?
focusing on now is to find ways on how to investigate your question through interventions, so don’t think what will be in the end, don’t look right now at the final outcome
start with a smaller intervention to basically test with a target audience with these two generation, instead of producing the whole video to a high standard and making the actions
starting to only test the concept: write a script and write sort of like a skeleton outline of what would become the video to what would be in there what should be seen.
write the script for that scene, and then get people to read it, or someone to read it out, stakeholder or target audience, they listened back or they watch that sort of just a reading of it, and they give their ideas and input
just test those conceptual ideas with my participants as a stakeholder
psychological studies
mediator
social media would be quite an impact in that as well, how that brings conflict or war
The process of discovering ‘The Change I Want to See’ took a personal shift in Project Five, from dating corner to generation gap.
After did some research on generational conflict and techniques that mediator use, I think the best conflict solution is the way of communication. Adjusting their communication style is a method to reduce conflict. I think they need a mediator, someone they respect, maybe a close family, friend or relative or online platform. Come from a place of wanting to be understand each other better rather than proving that parent wrong.
The medium of communication is very important. There are two mediums that I think are feasible.
Matchmaker (face to face support interventions for reducing conflict) set up a counseling in the dating app or dating website.
online platform (digital interventions targeting parents and child relationships) watching the interactive movie with parents.
The goal of conflict resolution therapy is to help all parties involved feel as if they have achieved a “win-win” scenario, but it is difficult to do, because parents and children have cognitive biases, my challenge is to challenge traditional attitude, the position of this project is to help the person being in a position to get married, make the right decision and to not be forced into making the wrong decision. And I found that there are not many platform to deal with the generation conflict, most of the platform focus on couple relationship, so it is also very difficult to make study case.
In order to guide the focus of my research further, the following three aspect that I think I should consider in this project in the future.
understand what is the need behind the conflict between the two sides.(No one wants to conflict for the sake of conflict. The reason why the conflict cannot be resolved is probably because some of the needs of the conflicting party have been ignored, such as respect, love, and attention. If you want to stay entangled in conflicting content, these content may be longer than any Qiong Yao novel, and you may never find its central idea.)
Ensure a platform where both parties to the conflict are safe and can receive support.(Let both parties relax, feel comfortable, and get help from the process. Don’t let the process of conflict resolution turn into a trial meeting. No one is willing to spend a minute at a meeting that criticizes oneself.)
Let the conflicting parties use specific and executable language to express their needs and requests to the other party (You can’t make everyone think that “the women is the most beautiful” because everyone’s perceptions and standards are different, so if you say, “Bring me something good!”, someone might give you a cup of urine, because some people think that this is delicious! If you don’t want others to bring you a glass of urine, try to be specific. “Give me a glass of orange juice.”, “I think you can go home straight after get off work.”…
In relation to stakeholders, I initially identified 3 key stakeholder groups, the first being experts(dating agent) and the second being users(parents), the third being users(young generations). As my project has progressed, I have moved onto defining further to be government. Gaining stakeholder feedback is something I have struggled with on this project, I interviewed with the person who forced to blind date by her parents, and also interviewed with matchmaker who work in the dating corner, but received very little feedback. Consequently, stakeholder engagement is something I really need to extensively work on over the coming weeks.
after did some research on generational conflict and techniques that mediator use, I think the best conflict solution is the way of communication. Adjusting their communication style is a method to reduce conflict. I think they need a mediator, someone they respect, maybe a close family, friend or relative or online platform. Come from a place of wanting to be understand each other better rather than proving that parent wrong.
The medium of communication is very important. There are two mediums that I think are feasible.
Matchmaker (face to face support interventions for reducing conflict)
online platform (digital interventions targeting parents and child relationships)
The marriage rate in 2020 indicates a changing attitude toward matrimony among young Chinese.
China has recorded its lowest marriage rate in nearly two decades at a time when the country is already witnessing historically low birth rates.
Only some 8.1 million couples registered for marriages in 2020, a 12% drop from the previous year, according to figures released last month from China’s Ministry of Civil Affairs that caught online public attention Thursday. The marriage registration last year was the lowest since 2003 and only accounted for 60% of those in 2013, when such registrations saw a peak.
The declining marriage rate suggests changing attitudes toward matrimony among young Chinese who are increasingly favoring a no-strings-attached, independent lifestyle. According to a March survey by recruiting platform Zhaopin.com, marriage was “not a compulsory choice” for 64% of the female respondents, who added they didn’t plan to get hitched any time soon.
However, government-led research in Shanghai last year showed that men had a stronger desire to get married than women.
Apart from the drop in marriages last year, the number of birth rates also saw a 15% decline compared with the previous year, fizzling authorities’ hopes of a post-pandemic baby boom. However, only 3.7 million couples were granted divorces last year, almost 1 million fewer than in 2019.
To deter couples from separating, China enacted a controversial 30-day “cool-off period” this year, meaning couples will not be granted a divorce if one of them changes their mind during this period. Since the law went into effect on Jan. 1, there has been a 60% drop in divorces in the central city of Wuhan.
Meanwhile, local authorities have been doing their part to manage the crisis. A top official of the youth arm of the Communist Party of China said in 2017 that he wanted to step in to solve declining marriages among young people, while the arm’s branch in the eastern Zhejiang province introduced a “Marriage and Dating Division” and an online dating site to help young singles find prospective life partners.
According to the feedback I get, I will explore counselling and the techniques that counsellors use mediation and the techniques that mediators use when dealing with conflict and dealing with different groups to support my project.
Research on Understanding and Managing Generational Conflict
Research Question 1: What is the nature of generational conflict?
High tech vs. low tech.
Technology is “the one big gap” between generations, and in fact, this generational difference was reported by nearly every participant. Younger interviewees noted frustration (and decreased communication and efficiency) because they perceived older individuals as reluctant to embrace or leverage technology such as texting. Some older interviews, on the other hand, noted that younger generations seemingly undervalue traditional ways of doing work because they take technology for granted.
Skilled vs. unskilled communication.
The final perceived generational difference that leads to behavior-based tension centers on differing perceptions by both generations about the extent to which they and members of the other generation communicate in a skilled way. Older interviewees perceived a lack of skills in younger generations, often reporting frustration with younger generations’ inability to communicate. Older interviewees suggested that problematic communication skills in the younger generation included an inability to transmit or interpret messages effectively and a lack of tact in interactions. In the older sample’s view, this “unskilled” communication results in workplace challenges such as inefficiencies, conflict, unclear messages, and a lack of transmission of information. Some of the older sample members attributed these challenges to how younger generations learned to communicate, as noted in the quote below. The communication skills of some of the younger people that I meet on a weekly basis are absolutely nil. There are absolutely no communication skills because they learn how to communicate via Twitter and talk in abbreviated words and abbreviated sentences. So if I had to communicate for any length of time with someone in their 20s, I probably couldn’t. On the other hand, “skilled” communication meant something altogether different to members of the younger sample. They viewed the skilled vs. unskilled generational differences as arising from the older generation’s failure to adapt to contemporary media. Tension is illustrated through a breakdown in communication causing frustration and major challenges in interactions, so much so that the message of communication is lost or misunderstood. Potential communication barriers between generations can result from this tension, as can be seen in the quote above in which, the interviewee perceives he is unable to communicate with “younger people.”
Me vs. we.
The first identity-based generational difference, me vs. we, refers to differences in how members of generations perceived they (and other generations) gave priority to personal identity or a collective identity. In the personality literature, Triandis and colleagues (1985) have described differences between idiocentric and allocentric personality traits. Idiocentrics emphasize personal goals, views, needs, pleasures and beliefs over those of others, while allocentrics emphasize shared beliefs and perceive themselves as similar to, and pay attention to, others (Triandis, et al., 1985). The samples we studied described generations in similar ways. An example of a more allocentric or “we” view is illustrated in this quote.
I think that the older generation gets it more than the younger generation…the new generation is all about “me” and how I’m going to be successful and the old generation is how we’re all going to be successful.
This younger interviewee points out a distinction in generations in the extent to which “me” or “we” is prioritized, describing the “new” generation more idiocentrically as “all about me” and the “old” generation more allocentrically as focusing on shared success.
Research Question 2: What strategies use to manage generational conflict?
Focusing on communication style.
The strategy of focusing on communication style includes a conscious choice by interviewees to portray a respectful demeanor when communicating, use communication channels preferred by other generations (e.g., face-to-face, phone, or email), or, as noted below, focus on language usage.
My attitude with the younger generation—fortunately, I know the vernacular because I have children and I do interact with them well and I have grandchildren and I do interact with them well. So I know the current stars. You can relate. Sometimes if you just throw out a ‘Did you see so-and-so on MTV’ whatever, you take away that gap.
The older interviewee here describes using the language she picked up from her younger family members when interacting with younger coworkers. In much the same way that using organizational vernacular allows an outsider to fit in a culture (Louis, 1980), using generational vernacular allows a member of one generation to ease conflict with a member of another generation. Several interviewees also reported adjusting the medium through which they communicated with members of another generation. For example, younger interviewees made a point to use phone (rather than texting) to communicate with older generation employees at work. By adjusting their communication style, these younger generation members helped overcome the behavior-based conflict arising from perceptions of communication skill.
Protecting needs.
Interviewees noted that they interacted with other generations in such a way that they ensured their own desires and wants were being met. In the example below, an interviewee from a younger generation reports trying to get his way with other generations in advancing an initiative that he feels is important.
One of the things I try to focus on when I’m implementing something like that is: ‘How am I freeing their time to do what I want them (an older generation) to do or to take a look at what I want them to take a look at? Sometimes, that’s the hardest part.
From this quote, we can see the interviewee protecting his self-interests by ensuring that the older person is does “what I want them to do” or notices the initiative that he feels is important. In this case, the interviewee actively manipulates the older generation member’s time in order to get his way, thereby lessening the chance of conflict. In our interviews, participants also noted that they protected their needs by “using” others in such ways as building support for ideas by using workplace politics, leveraging their formal authority in interactions to push their personal agenda, and venting or complaining about conflict to others.
Removing self.
Research Question 3:Influences on Interactions
Situational contexts help set generational stereotypes and expectations that individuals have for their own generation and other generations; these stereotypes and expectations, in turn, influence their perceptions. Interviewees draw on these contexts as they engage in conflict with others of various generations in the workforce. Following table provides additional descriptions of the contexts, as well as quotes to illustrate them.
Societal context
Many interviewees noted that they were influenced by broad societal trends, such as the media and general political, economic, and societal events. Interviewees (including the one quoted in the epigraph) noted being influenced by broad discourses in popular media. The way that generations are discussed in popular culture served as a resource to some interviewees in forming their own understanding of generations. As the quote below illustrates, individuals draw on media descriptions and portrayals of other generations to set expectations for what members of that particular generation are like, thereby influencing the conflicts that emerge.
I think the labeling of generation is media driven so that it gives the media a shorthand to report on various and sundry societal kinds of trends and also news stories and things like that. I think the media is the one who came up with the (generational) labels that are used, or at least they popularized the labels that are being used.
According to this interviewee and others, older generations have a stigma against younger generations (and vice versa) as a result of how various generations are portrayed and labeled by the media. Younger interviewees reported being affected by media portrayals of young people as opportunistic, materialistic, and self-centered, while older interviewees noted being affected by media-perpetuated images of old fogies who are stubborn and resistant to change. Both samples mentioned that these media images likely affected how the other generation viewed them and the lack of respect shown them by other generations.
Conflict Resolution Skills Managing and Resolving Conflict in a Positive Way Conflict is a normal, and even healthy, part of relationships. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything at all times. Since relationship conflicts are inevitable, learning to deal with them in a healthy way is crucial. When conflict is mismanaged, it can harm the relationship. But when handled in a respectful and positive way, conflict provides an opportunity for growth, ultimately strengthening the bond between two people. By learning the skills you need for successful conflict resolution, you can keep your personal and professional relationships strong and growing. The fundamentals of conflict resolution Conflict arises from differences. It occurs whenever people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. Sometimes these differences look trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal and relational need is at the core of the problem—a need to feel safe and secure, a need to feel respected and valued, or a need for greater closeness and intimacy. Recognizing and resolving conflicting needs. If you are out of touch with your feelings or so stressed that you can only pay attention to a limited number of emotions, you won’t be able to understand your own needs. If you don’t understand your deepseated needs, you will have a hard time communicating with others and staying in touch with what is really troubling you. For example, couples often argue about petty differences—the way she hangs the towels, the way he parts his hair—rather than what is really bothering them. In personal relationships, a lack of understanding about differing needs can result in distance, arguments, and breakups. In workplace conflicts, differing needs are often at the heart of bitter disputes. When you can recognize the legitimacy of conflicting needs and become willing to examine them in an environment of compassionate understanding, it opens pathways to creative problem solving, team building, and improved relationships. When you resolve conflict and disagreement quickly and painlessly, mutual trust will flourish. Successful conflict resolution depends on your ability to: · Manage stress while remaining alert and calm. By staying calm, you can accurately read and interpret verbal and nonverbal communication. · Control your emotions and behavior. When you’re in control of your emotions, you can communicate your needs without threatening, frightening, or punishing others. · Pay attention to the feelings being expressed as well as the spoken words of others. · Be aware of and respectful of differences. By avoiding disrespectful words and actions, you can resolve the problem faster. Healthy and unhealthy ways of managing and resolving conflict Conflict triggers strong emotions and can lead to hurt feelings, disappointment, and discomfort. When handled in an unhealthy manner, it can cause irreparable rifts, resentments, and breakups. But when conflict is resolved in a healthy way, it increases our understanding of one another, builds trust, and strengthens our relationship bonds. Unhealthy responses to conflict are characterized by: · An inability to recognize and respond to matters of great importance to the other person · Explosive, angry, hurtful, and resentful reactions · The withdrawal of love, resulting in rejection, isolation, shaming, and fear of abandonment · The expectation of bad outcomes · The fear and avoidance of conflict Healthy responses to conflict are characterized by: · The capacity to recognize and respond to important matters · A readiness to forgive and forget · The ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing · A belief that resolution can support the interests and needs of both parties Four key conflict resolution skills The ability to successfully manage and resolve conflict depends on four key skills. Together, these four skills form a fifth skill that is greater than the sum of its parts: the ability to take conflict in stride and resolve differences in ways that build trust and confidence. Conflict resolution skill 1: Quickly relieve stress The capacity to remain relaxed and focused in tense situations is a vital aspect of conflict resolution. If you don’t know how to stay centered and in control of yourself, you may become emotionally overwhelmed in challenging situations. The best way to rapidly and reliably relieve stress is through the senses: sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you. Conflict resolution skill 2: Recognize and manage your emotions. Emotional awareness is the key to understanding yourself and others. If you don’t know how you feel or why you feel that way, you won’t be able to communicate effectively or smooth over disagreements. Although knowing your own feelings may seem simple, many people ignore or try to sedate strong emotions like anger, sadness, and fear. But your ability to handle conflict depends on being connected to these feelings. If you’re afraid of strong emotions or if you insist on finding solutions that are strictly rational, your ability to face and resolve differences will be impaired. Conflict resolution skill 3: Improve your nonverbal communication skills The most important information exchanged during conflicts and arguments is often communicated nonverbally. Nonverbal communication includes eye contact, facial expression, tone of voice, posture, touch, and gestures. When you’re in the middle of a conflict, paying close attention to the other person’s nonverbal signals may help you figure out what the other person is really saying, respond in a way that builds trust, and get to the root of the problem. Simply nonverbal signals such as a calm tone of voice, a reassuring touch, or a concerned facial expression can go a long way toward defusing a heated exchange. Conflict resolution skill 4: Use humor and play to deal with challenges You can avoid many confrontations and resolve arguments and disagreements by communicating in a playful or humorous way. Humor can help you say things that might otherwise be difficult to express without creating a flap. However, it’s important that you laugh with the other person, not at them. When humor and play are used to reduce tension and anger, reframe problems, and put the situation into perspective, the conflict can actually become an opportunity for greater connection and intimacy. Tips for managing and resolving conflict Managing and resolving conflict requires emotional maturity, selfcontrol, and empathy. It can be tricky, frustrating, and even frightening. You can ensure that the process is as positive as possible by sticking to the following conflict resolution guidelines: · Make the relationship your priority. Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first priority. Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint. · Focus on the present. If you’re holding on to old hurts and resentments, your ability to see the reality of the current situation will be impaired. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the hereandnow to solve the problem. · Pick your battles. Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to consider whether the issue is really worthy of your time and energy. Maybe you don’t want to surrender a parking space if you’ve been circling for 15 minutes. But if there are dozens of spots, arguing over a single space isn’t worth it. · Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives. · Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on. Fair fighting: Ground rules Remain calm. Try not to overreact to difficult situations. By remaining calm it will be more likely that others will consider your viewpoint. Express feelings in words, not actions. Telling someone directly and honestly how you feel can be a very powerful form of communication. If you start to feel so angry or upset that you feel you may lose control, take a “time out” and do something to help yourself feel steadier. Be specific about what is bothering you. Vague complaints are hard to work on. Deal with only one issue at a time. Don’t introduce other topics until each is fully discussed. This avoids the “kitchen sink” effect where people throw in all their complaints while not allowing anything to be resolved. No “hitting below the belt.” Attacking areas of personal sensitivity creates an atmosphere of distrust, anger, and vulnerability. Avoid accusations. Accusations will cause others to defend themselves. Instead, talk about how someone’s actions made you feel Don’t generalize. Avoid words like “never” or “always.” Such generalizations are usually inaccurate and will heighten tensions. Avoid “make believe.” Exaggerating or inventing a complaint or your feelings about it will prevent the real issues from surfacing. Stick with the facts and your honest feelings. Don’t stockpile. Storing up lots of grievances and hurt feelings over time is counterproductive. It’s almost impossible to deal with numerous old problems for which interpretations may differ. Try to deal with problems as they arise. Avoid clamming up. When one person becomes silent and stops responding to the other, frustration and anger can result. Positive results can only be attained with twoway communication. Source: The Counseling & Mental Health Center at The University of Texas at Austin Managing and resolving conflict by learning how to listen When people are upset, the words they use rarely convey the issues and needs at the heart of the problem. When we listen for what is felt as well as said, we connect more deeply to our own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening in this way also strengthens us, informs us, and makes it easier for others to hear us. Tips for being a better listener: · Listen to the reasons the other person gives for being upset. · Make sure you understand what the other person is telling you—from his or her point of view. · Repeat the other person’s words, and ask if you have understood correctly. · Ask if anything remains unspoken, giving the person time to think before answering. · Resist the temptation to interject your own point of view until the other person has said everything he or she wants to say and feels that you have listened to and understood his or her message. When listening to the other person’s point of view, the following responses are often helpful: Encourage the other person to share his or her issues as fully as possible. · “I want to understand what has upset you.” · “I want to know what you are really hoping for.” Clarify the real issues, rather than making assumptions. Ask questions that allow you to gain this information, and which let the other person know you are trying to understand. · “Can you say more about that?” · “Is that the way it usually happens?” Restate what you have heard, so you are both able to see what has been understood so far it may be that the other person will then realize that additional information is needed. · “It sounds like you weren’t expecting that to happen.” Reflect feelings be as clear as possible. · “I can imagine how upsetting that must have been.” Validate the concerns of the other person, even if a solution is elusive at this time. Expressing appreciation can be a very powerful message if it is conveyed with integrity and respect. · “I really appreciate that we are talking about this issue.” · “I am glad we are trying to figure this out.” Source: University of Wisconsin, Madison Conflict resolution is one of the five key skills of emotional intelligence The Five Skills of Emotional Intelligence Skill 1: Quick Stress Relief Skill 2: Emotional Awareness Skill 3: Nonverbal Communication Skill 4: Playful Communication Skill 5: Conflict Resolution The ability to resolve conflicts positively and with confidence is the fifth of five essential emotional intelligence skills. Together, the five skills of emotional intelligence help you build strong relationships, overcome challenges, and succeed at work and in life.
Related links for conflict resolution skills General information about conflict resolution Fighting Fair To Resolve Conflict – Covers the causes of conflict, different conflict styles, and fair fighting guidelines to help you positively resolve disagreements. (University of Texas at Austin) Conflict Resolution – Comprehensive resource on how to manage and resolve conflict. Includes About Conflict and 8 Steps for Conflict Resolution. (University of Wisconsin, Madison) CR Kit – 12step conflict resolution training kit. Learn how to pursue a winwin approach, manage emotions, be appropriately assertive, map the conflict, and develop options. (The Conflict Resolution Network) Conflict Resolution: Resolving Conflict Rationally and Effectively – Guide to conflict in the workplace and different conflict styles. Includes a 5step process for successful conflict resolution. (MindTools) Tips for managing and resolving conflict Resolving Conflict Constructively and Respectfully – Tips on how to manage and resolve conflict in a positive, respectful, and mutuallybeneficial way. (Ohio State University Extension) How to Resolve Conflict – Advice on resolving differences and managing conflict between individuals, small groups, and organizations. (Roger Darlington) Effective Communication – Article on the art of listening in conflict resolution. Includes tips on how to make your point effectively and negotiate conflict in principled, positive way. (University of Maryland) Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jaelline Jaffe, Ph.D., contributed to this article. Last modified: September 2009.
My project: How to handle the conflict on marriage and love views between two generations?
Taking on the feedback from tutors (David and Jasminka ), matchmaker is a key person that have power to talk with parents, so I started to interview with matchmaker that I could use as primary research to support my project.
Describe your job as a matchmaker.
Agent A: It’s a very happy job because I develop very personal friendships with my clients. They are very open with their stories and share their own problems and life purposes. It takes a lot of skill to build trust in a short amount of time. I would like to think that we would be friends outside the matchmaking sphere.
Agent B: As a matchmaker, we work closely with our singles to learn more about their preferences. What kind of profile, physical and personality preferences do they have? This includes age, education level, religion, ethnicity, smoking and drinking habits, height and build. And personality preferences would include characteristics such as introverted vs. extroverted, spontaneous vs. organised, etc… We meet every one of our clients for face-to-face consultations and this matchmaker’s assessment is very important, because sometimes how clients perceive themselves may be different from how others perceive them. We also take the time to find out about our clients’ past relationships, passions, values and what is most important to them.
What types of people do you think use matchmaking agencies the most?
Agent A: My clients are usually professionals: bankers, lawyers, doctors, entrepreneurs or executives. I would say the quality of the people in my agency is quite high.
Agent B: People who are busy. People who have no time to get a drink, people who live generally further from bars or restaurants, or people whose social circles are less defined. And parents also help their child to find their partner through matchmaking agencies.
Are there more available women that seek to find a partner or more available men? If so, why do you think there is a gender imbalance?
Agent A:One reason is that in the past, marriage is seen as a way to financial stability for women. However, with more and more ladies being highly educated and doing well in their careers, marriage is no longer about financial stability. They are looking for someone who is on the same level as them in terms of education level as well as income. There’s a phenomenon known as the “education squeeze”, coined by sociologists. Women tend to marry up and men tend to marry down. Hence, if you put 100 men and 100 women together and ask them to pair up, at the end of the day, the two groups left: the top 20 percent most educated women, and the bottom 20 percent least educated men.
Is there a stigma against going to a matchmaker or to speed-dating events to find a partner?
Agent A: When we first started 12 years ago, there used to be a stigma. But now, we are living in an era where people are used to outsourcing things. For instance, when we are going on a trip, we look for a travel agency; when we are looking for a job, we turn to a recruitment agency. So it’s the same with singles who are looking to find love. And as they see that our database has successful professionals just like you and me, they are more open to turning to dating agencies.
How involved are matchmakers?
Agent A: We are there for our clients every step of the way, from meeting them first to learning more about their profile and preferences, handpicking their matches, arranging the date, booking the date venue, reminding our clients before the date, and contacting them at the end of every date to get their feedback. Clients will also call us to ask for dating tips or advice and we will help them in any way we can.
Have you ever met someone who was forced by their parents to go on a blind date?
Agent A: Many young people are forced to date by real pressure and their parents at the beginning. Although they are forced to date, they also will call us for dating tips and advice on dating, and we will help them, which shows that they still attach great importance to the blind date. Although they are forced by parents, they really want to find their soul mate, but maybe they don’t agree with their parents’ behavior.
After presenting my research for Project 5 – The Change I Want To See… in my tutorial, I have developed a series of next steps to take, as a result of analysing and reflecting on the feedback I received.
FEEDBACK
They are interested in people’s attitude for the difference in attitude. young people and parents whoever is a versatile narrative narrowed to their parents term of their view o love, what they think love is what, whether or not there is an overriding practical concern. Whether loving considered important at all, in regards to matchmaking, and it seems that the key person, or the key stakeholder or the key bridge in my project is the matchmaker, because they are the intermediary, that gets to speak to both parties. The two people who are being matched, it seems to me that my challenge is one to do with challenging traditional attitudes, there will be a group of people who may be value those more traditional more conservative, and then there will be those who freedom to choose for themselves, whatever path there is, but then I have this kind of societal barrier, and it’s gonna be interesting in terms of how to deal with unpacking.
They suggest that look at a specialism, that might help, and also explore counselling and the techniques that counsellors use mediation and the techniques that mediators use when dealing with conflict and dealing with different groups, Because I think from what you’re saying, the mediation element, or the Matchmaker is probably the most important person in all of this. I have the wishes of the of the LP, that want to get married on the other wishes parent, but the Matchmaker is key, because the method could be the person with the power to say to the parents, the thing is that whatever decisions the parents want to make, traditional, conservative values whatever is the people getting married that has consequences. So there is an argument that they are the most important people, because they have to live whatever decision is made. And if it’s the wrong decision, they are going to have to pay for it, emotionally, physically in terms of time and effort. So, it might be that my project is more about getting the parents and the older generation to understand the younger generation, maybe it’s more weighted in favour of the people who have to live with the decision.
This project has come from my focus I possibly should be helping married people or the person being in a position to get married, make the right decision and to not be forced into making the wrong decision. And the project is focused around that possibly understanding around that. Trying to get the people who are being pressured to understand the position that they already lived in, in terms of societal context that they’re in. Before to do something that will have a devastating impact on their lives, Potentially. I think I would possibly focus on the matchmaking element of it as possibly the ethical intermediary sort of decision making position as the person who speaks to both sides to help with that.
NEXT STEPS:
Further engage with stakeholders how to plan to get the parents, child, marriage choice, or objections, and how to get people to engage with the older generation their parents whose point of view?
Explore counselling and the techniques to deal with conflict
Focus on matchmaker and explore how to reduce the conflict through matchmaker?
Consider the position of my project as a researcher, where are my positioned in my project? In terms of the people getting married, the parents to view and the matchmaker, where do I see myself?
