Month: July 2021

intervention 4: explore with stakeholder about the impact of seating arrangements on communication

here is their seat arrangement in their family:

Laissez-faire type:

Pluralistic type:

Consensual type:

Protective type:

Reflection

From the previous research, it was found that Protective type and Laissez-faire type lacked communication, and during the discussion, I found that in these two type family, there is usually a seating arrangement at the dining table. Their seats are arranged according to the family seat, but this is unconscious

In the other two types：Consensual and Pluralistic, they rarely have fixed seats, and they do not arrange seats according to family status. They communicate more with their family members, less conflicts, and have a good relationship with family members.

So I think the seat arrangement and family status and rights hinder the communication between children and parents to some extent, and Communication will be affected by power. If I want to promote communication between different generations, I must first make them aware of this problem. So how can we make people aware of this problem? This will be my next intervention

Next step and ideas:


My previous interventions focused on how to reduce the conflict between different generations, but I found that communication is a long-term process，this problem cannot be changed in the short term. And I also found that if two people disagree, you can hardly expect a decent response from the other person. Normally, he will defend himself and try to lead your thinking and judgments astray. A few months later, when the old words are brought up again, you will find that no one has changed their minds, as if the previous argument has never happened. 

So in the next intervention, I will first throw a question or point of view to the other person, let him think or study carefully, don’t worry about asking the answer, let him digest it in his mind first, and challenge his original concept. ( inspired by the book: The Skeptics’ Guide to the Universe)

I will design a dining table. This is not an ordinary dining table, but a dining table that can reflect the status of the family. I will place it downstairs in my house or in the park, so that people passing by can think about the meaning of the dining table, and interview their feelings. I will make the next intervention based on the feedback I get.

stakeholders: user + expert

Over the past few weeks I have been actively trying to develop a network of who have difficult to communicate with their parents to engage in my project. So far, four users and one expert have participated in my project. They will discuss with me the communication mode in their own home and the future family communication mode.

User: These four users come from different family communication patterns：protective, consensual, laissez faire and pluralistic.

expert: This expert comes from the rca service design profession. Junyi Cao is a creative and energetic service designer with the background in product design. She has been exploring the relationship between people and studying how to deal with the relationship between people delicately, so that this relationship is at a balance point. In her past project, Junyi and her team members have insights into the weakness of online participants in the actual hybrid conference, and tried to reduce this sense of difference, so as to achieve the effect of improving the efficiency of the conference.(about her project: When we talk and meet people face to face, we get most of the information about what they are thinking from body language and facial expressions. In a virtual environment, we get much less information, and we need more times to confirm the other’s attitude. Because there is less interaction, remote participants feel lonely and alienated, and they will be easier distracted than offline. We believe that increasing the viscosity of the meeting will help solve the above problems.)

I think she can give me useful feedback and opinions in my project in the future.

Reflection

From the survey results, it is found that most people have to communicate with their family members at the table，and most people have fixed seats at the dinner table at home. There is no doubt that eating is a good time for communication. I think the time for eating can be fully used to help them communicate.

However, there is usually an unspoken seating arrangement at the Chinese dining table. This arrangement is a marker of hierarchical, honor and patriarchal structures in Chinese families, a reminder of one’s place at home.The guests of lowest position sit furthest from the seat of honor. When a family holds a banquet, the seat of honor is for the guest with the highest status and the head of the house takes the least prominent seat.

So I think the seat arrangement and family status and rights hinder the communication between children and parents to some extent.

Next step, I will use the time at the dinner table to promote communication between children and parents, so that they can communicate more effectively without rights and family status, and at the same time combine the knowledge I gained from the book 《shared experiences in human communication》 I read before. : Non-verbal and verbal communication, conscious and unconscious communication.

Book “Shared Experiences in Human Communication”

At first, I understood that communication is the exchange and transmission of information. It was not until I read the book “Shared Experiences in Human Communication” that I could really understand the process of re-understanding communication from a very basic level.

reflection

The following is my reflection after reading this book：

  • The concept of communication encompasses the process by which all people influence each other.
  • How different communication methods will reflect different person relationships.
  • Non-verbal communication basically defines the interpersonal relationship between each other.
  • Although language can be used to communicate almost everything, nonverbal responses only have a relatively limited range of communication. Nonverbal responses are often used to communicate feelings, preferences and preferences, and to emphasize or refute to correct those feelings communicated with language. Non-verbal communication can superimpose another layer of meaning on top of verbal information.
  • When interpersonal communication forces participants to accept the pressure of interacting with the future, interpersonal communication is destructive, because it makes participants more vulnerable; when interpersonal communication only enhances the spread of information does not affect the value and attitude behind people When interpersonal communication is neutral; when interpersonal communication is regarded as curative, it means that it inspires an individual’s insight into or readjustment to the world, and it allows people to carry out future developments in a more satisfying way. Social interaction.
  • Intentional and unintentional communication. A lot of our daily communication is consciously motivated. For example, if we want to impress in front of a special person, we will change into carefully selected clothes when we go out. However, we have learned from the advertisements selling toothpaste and mouthwash. Although exquisite clothes can convey a good impression, bad breath and unclean teeth will still unintentionally reveal their less satisfactory side. . Unintentional communication is undoubtedly the most maddening communication method, because you will not receive corrective feedback from others. When we are well-dressed but still unable to date the person we like, we will feel very confused, but in fact this is not due to the clothes

Four modes of family communication




Consensual type: You will feel the pressure to have the same value views as your family and maintain the family hierarchy.  At the same time your ideas will be valued.  The children of this kind of family either follow the rules or escape into their own fantasies.  Generally, the parents of this kind of family are very traditional. They believe in “husband and wife”, “maintain loyalty”, mutual dependence and company, and they believe that their intramarital communication is easy-going and diligent management instead of frequent conflicts.

Pluralistic type: Ensure an open discussion atmosphere, and everyone can sit down and negotiate when making a decision.  Generally, the parents who create this kind of family hold non-mainstream values. For example, intimate relationships cannot restrict personal freedom.  This kind of parents not only accompany each other, but also have separate activity spaces and schedules (such as separate study rooms and bathrooms), and they don’t avoid conflicts, and they won’t avoid dealing with differences.

Protective: Obviously there will be an atmosphere of observing family rules and obeying parents, and it is unlikely that children are allowed to question their elders.  Children who grow up in such a family are easily influenced or persuaded by authority.  The three views of parents that shape this atmosphere are also very traditional. They value themselves more than intimate relationships, and they spend less time with each other and share, and believe that their intramarital communication is resolute, confident and persuasive, and they avoid marriage more.  conflict.

Laissez-faire: There is not much communication between family members, and family cohesion is also lacking.  Most family members are emotionally distant from their families.  Children raised by such families are more likely to be influenced by outside social organizations.  Parents who have shaped this family model cannot agree on marriage. They have different expectations of self-concepts, mutual dependence and inter-marital communication, so it is difficult to make the family cohesive.

intervention 3: what is the shape of your relationship

This intervention stimulates to think about future interpersonal relationship (romantic relationship） through choose a ring. This intervention aim to throw a question or point of view to people, let them think about the relationship currently and future. For the next step, I will invited the same group to make a shape of ring(the shape of their relationship).

FEEDBACK

So far I got three couple to choose the ring, the first and second couple age around 25 years old, the third couple age around 50 years old. I set up two question: 1: which ring can represent their currently romantic relationship and why? 2: which ring can represent their future romantic relationship and why? Here is the feedback from them:

reflection and next step

After I engaged with Pan Wang and talked with my friend about their views of marriage and love, I found that there are big different concept between young generation and old generation, and traditional concept is still spread among the boys. Although we are opposed to our parents looking for partners for us and do not like parental interference, we also unconsciously take the parents’ requirements as a condition for choosing a mate.

and I also found that if two people disagree, you can hardly expect a decent response from the other person. Normally, he will defend himself and try to lead your thinking and judgments astray. A few months later, when the old words are brought up again, you will find that no one has changed their minds, as if the previous argument has never happened. If you chat with someone on social media, you may never meet him, and you will never develop a real relationship, so you can just express your views concisely and then go to your own business. But if the person you are chatting with is your parents or wife or husband, it is completely different. You will be willing to spend many years slowly changing his point of view.

So in the next intervention, I will first throw a question or point of view to the other person, let him think or study carefully, don’t worry about asking the answer, let him digest it in his mind first, and challenge his original concept. ( inspired by the book: The Skeptics’ Guide to the Universe)

I will make an online workshop which stimulates to think about future interpersonal relationships (future family and future romantic relationship) through choose and make a ring. (Why ring:  ring is a true sign of love for another individual, but what is the real meaning behind the ring, and what does its shape？）

engaged with Pan wang

engaged with Pan wang, the author of ” Love and Marriage in Globalising China.”

Over the past few weeks I have been actively trying to develop a network of professionals to engage in my project, and give me some suggestions on my project, luckily, I engaged with Pan Wang successfully, he is a senior lecturer in Chinese and Asian studies at the University of New South Wales and author of ” Love and Marriage in Globalising China.” he told me some phenomenon about love and marriage in China and some ideas.

The following content is what I think is helpful to me in my dialogue with him:

“As China’s society has become rapidly and intensely commercialised, romantic relationships too can be seen like a commodity, traded and exchange in the market,”

“In China, love has become increasingly complicated, intertwined with consumerism, and in this sense you can say love is tagged with a price like other products in the market. To some people, the value of love can be measured by the price of gift.”

“men and women are increasingly looking at expensive gifts as a way of signifying the seriousness of a relationship. While people tend to get married later, they exchange gifts of love more often and longer.”

“men in China and their parents are under pressure to own both a home and car before a women’s family will accept any potential marriage. But according to Pablo Mauron, partner and managing director China at Digital Luxury Group, even in cases where marriage is not immediately on the table, these signifiers of economic dependability and desirability are just as important. It is important to show of financial commitment to legitimise a relationship and show that you are serious about it.”

“The romantic gifting culture, no matter whether it’s Valentine’s Day, Qixi or 520 is directly on that trend,’ You’re going to have to show that you’re not afraid of spending money on me to show that you value and take our relationship seriously.”

“It seems in an age in which traditional markers of love and commitment are on the way out, there is still a great appetite for romance — a pragmatic and consumerist appetite, certainly – but a love for love nonetheless.”